teka lang.. teka lang… magbblog muna ako.. ahihi..

ang saya nung outing nung 15… i never thought magkakaroon ng ganung outing yung heineken.. busy kasi eh tas iba2 na sched..
buti na lang nagkaroon din.. kahit din plantsado ung plano at kahit d kagandahan ang resort (hahahaha), masaya naman ang mga lokohan…

team heineken

kung kelan iba2 na team namin dun pa narealize magteam building.. waaaaahhhh..

at least before malipat kami sa AT&T, nagkaroon pa rin ng masayang outing…

SANA MAULIT MULI… kanta ata to ah.. hahahaha..

taga pindot ng numero haha

yeah, i got drunk.. pero natulog lang naman ako eh… toinkzzzz… but d ko alam at d ko maalala ginawa ko before ako matulog.. kala ko joke lang sabi nila na may sinasabi akotungkol sa uod…. eh sabi din kasi ni aicy eh.. totoo bah talaga un?… as in super.. im trying to remember pa..

neweiz, at&t na kami… ewan ko lang.. ang hirap at medyo boring ung lecture.. 2nd day pa lang naman ng COL training… dami kelangan imemorize… hay naku…

nakakamiz din pala c KOMBEA (protocall).. hahaha… nakakamis ang floor ng hrb… nakakamis ang tumakbotakbo dun.. at nakakamis mag aux ng kung ano2 lang.. hahaha..

sana kumpleto powerpuff sa AT&T para matalo naman namin c mojo jojo.. hahahaha…

powerpuff with mojo jojo

hoi! original Heineken, magparamdam pa rin kau hah?!.. weeeeeiiiii…

MISS YOU GUYS!

kaya nyo yan?... haha

oh well, i dont have anything to do again.. i might as well just update my blog…

neweiz, i have been planning on posting my new year’s resolution here but i keep forgetting it… but it has been in my phone…

so yeah, here is what i wrote or should i just say i input in my phone toplay safe.. lol

> save money (i want to go home to leyte.. i need my chinabank acount number so i can deposit some of my money there and let it stay there)

> focus on work - avoid OB, improve AHT, get good CSats..

> Stop being too emotional (and im getting there.. hahaha… im becoming the old me.. lol)

> start kicking ass ( well, just dont let anybody pull me down.. )

> Prioritize God - attend small group always, never miss ushering, attend other church activity

> get lots of rest

> be n shape

> start scrapbooking (i have been planning to start my scrapbook, but dont have time and i keep missing my materials)

> learn to play the gutiar

> read some good books

wow, this list isnt really just my new year’s resolution but also these are the things i am looking forward to this year…

watever.. lol

neweiz, my prayer for the year or not just for the year but for my entire life is

Create in me a clean heart o God,and renew a steadfast spirit within me… Psalms 51:10

wow… time does fly…

its 2009… and its like i havent even really noticed it…

its seems like it was just yesterday when i spent days with my college friends (mga best).. its like it was yesterday when i wore my toga and marched on stage to get my diploma… and now im totally in a different world…

well, 2008 was uhmmm… uhhmmm… uhmmm…

oh well, no words can describe 2008…

wait, let me go back to some of the highlights of MY 2008…

> i got the chance to present my thesis in the Phi Delta the Honor Society of Science Search for Outstanding thesis

> graduated as a BS in Development Communication major in Community Broadcasting

> lived in a totally different world

> found  a new church

> joined a small group

> got a church ministry

> got a job and met new friends…

> fell in love with the wrong guy and got broken…

> i was stupid

> lost d job and got another same job but in another company

> betrayed by friends

> i became a different person… became emotional

> learned a lot of things…

yeahh.. after the graduation, i welcomed my self to the real harsh world… and wow, i didnt imagine it could really be this HARSH!…

i wish 2009 would be good or maybe better…

neweiz, i really want to make a new year’s resolution and first thing will be i wont be that nice anymore so i wont be abused… now, i am missing the old me…

and oh, one thing i learned from my job?.. its survival of the fittest… people are hypocrites in their own way… people will use you for their own benefit…

so the sweet, lenient and kind me, will now be a bitch… waaaaaaaahhhhhh… this time, im gonna kick some ass… lol

oh, well, im still grateful of 2008… and i am now welcoming myself to 2009…

hoping this year will be different…

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!…

Merry Christmas all!… may the true spirit of Christmas fill your heart not just today but always…

oh well, i have been greeting everybody a merry christmas… i have been trying to be merry this christmas… waaaaahhh..

ive been trying to smile, laugh and all.. i shared chocolates with my teammates, greeting everybody ith all out smile tryng to hide what i really feel inside..

i feel like im cursed.. every christmas is not really that merry for me… its either, i have a problem, a fight with my sibling, im alone, bored or heartbroken…

i dont know, but this christmas is just so boring… this is actually the first december that i never been to a party.. and this is the first christmas that i am away from home… i am with my sister actually but we didnt really celebrated christmas.. we just slept and didnt had a noche buena…

yesterday or shall i say yesternight, my friend and i had to walk home from galeria… he hates the long queue to ride a jeepney… he has been asking sory and asking me if its ok with me to just walk.. told him, its ok it doesnt matter and i dont mind besides i want to be exhausted so i can sleep… im insomniac and i hate it…

i was laughing with the silly and corny joke we had but the truth is i am bleeding inside… i dont know why… i just feel alone.. plus i felt like crying.. i dont know, i guess it was because i heard another sad love story again… i dont know why that i feel like i am the one who is hurt everytime i hear sad love story… i wasnt like this before.. waaaaahhhhhh…

also, i felt sad because i know that my christmas will just be boring… i miss my parents.. i miss home.. i miss everybody…

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this morning i was txting with a friend, my officemate who just had dengue.. she told me that, she will be back by january but she will be in another acount… she shared about her slight amnesia.. well, its not really amnesia but her brain got affected when she was ill that there are certain part of her life that she forget… i wish i was the one with that problem and not her.. she told me it is difficult but i want that… i want to forget certain part of my past… i want to be someone new.. waaaaahhh…

i wish i would finally completely accept the fact that those will forever be part of my life….

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we went to megamall today.. but before that, i had a small fight with my sis… i just hate being diturbed if i am talking with somebody on the phone..

neweiz, we watched Iskul Bukol (official entry of the MMFF).. its funny, really… and there was lots of people watching… but yet, i wasnt enjoying it that much… i dont know why… i am bored to death that even Tito, Vic and Joey cant take away my boredom..

upon going home, i told my sis that i will be staying in galeria first coz i will still have to look for something for our exchange gift.. actually i just dont wanna go home yet, i will be bored to death again… waaaahhh.. and i hate it, everytime i dont have anything to do, all i can do is buy something… stroll around and if i have the money buy something… waaaaaahhh.. i hate it its eating up my savings.. huhuhuh….

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anybody out there who can save me from this insanity?!…

waaaaaaaahhh.. i lost my headset… ano bah?.. ang tanga2 ko lang… lately i have been so out of my mind… i just leave my bag inside my locker and then go inside the operations floor without my headset… id set up my tools and then realize i forgot something… also i would leave the operations floor go to my locker and then realize i left my headset still connected to my multiplexer… waaaaaaahhhhhhh….

neweiz, change topic… lol

recently, i have been so overly dramatic… waaaahhh..

my closest friend in the office and i have been having a gap… its like he suddenly built a wall between us… there is now a gap… and i was like im doing him a favor coz i felt like its what he wants…

i dont really understand… what is so wrong with our friendship… we had a talk and he said that things has changed for him… and that is the reason for everything… i felt bad… but there is nothing i can do…

and honestly, i felt like being used again… he was even the one who asked me not to leave him… and now he is leaving me.. he was the one who told me that we will make a pact to help each other since we are almost in the same sitch… assured me to help me become whole again but he just broke me into smaller pieces..

now i felt like, disregarded since he no longer needs me… is that what a friend is?… i told him that friends should be together through ups and down…

i hate to think, but my ex boyfriend left me out of nowhere when he no longer needed me… and i never thought that a friend will do that to me too… people just love leaving me out of nowhere…

i am affected because we didnt have a fight… and suddenly things will turn up side down… we are still talking though since he said that we dont have to play deaf and blind and we can still talk… but what’s with the sudden change?…

well, i hope i am just being overly dramatic… i hope my thoughts about what happened are just because of the mood swing..

what is so wrong with you?

yeah… its my fave line.. hahaha.. i kept asking my friends who love to bug me if what is so wrong with them… hahaha.. but that question is now coming back to me.. what is so wrong with me…

lately, i have been so insecure, emotional and all… i am feeling alone again… memories of the past has been haunting me again, reminding me of my stupidity… i have been crying for almost no particular reason again…

i have been telling my self im strong but im not… i pretend to be strong because i wanna be strong…

i have been trying to laugh at those sick jokes my colleagues were cracking… but eveytime we are silent and i am just staring at my monitor it makes me wanna cry… i want to have a lot of calls.. that way i can be busy and forget about myself but think of the customers concern…

my closest friend in the office has noticed the change.. he noticed that there is a gap between the two of us.. i noticed that too… i was thinking he is the one who has been keeping himself away from me… but maybe he is right, i am the one who is keeping the gap…

i dont know, i guess i am too emotional that i feel like i have nobody run about this… my “personal diary” is miles away… and oh, we are almost in the same sitch… tsktsktsk…

i dont understand myself… i want to cry… ive been giving out loud sighs… i cant cry infront of everybody.. but when i am alone that is the time that i let go of my emotion.. that is the only time i can let my tears fall…

paranoia please stay away from me… spirit of the past, stop bugging me… lonelines, please stay out from my door…

121508

hei, its almost Christmas..

days just go by without me noticing it… i guess its because of my sched…

but i installed a very cute application in my desktop at the office.. its a cute chrismas tree and it has a countdown to christmas… at least i would somehow feel the spirit of christmas coz honestly, i am not feeling it…

well, it could be because i am far from home.. and there is no sign of christmas in our apartment….

neweiz, i guess i better make my wishlist now… who knows somebody might be able to read my blog and grant any of my wish.. lol

not in order:

> Sony Ericson K810 or any SE cybershot phone… (i am really hoping i can buy this before the year ends but i promised my dad to buy him a new phone so i guess i should prioritized that)

> ipod (not really my priority, but i guess i have to save money for this)

> wi fi connection (or at least i am hoping my sis would reformat her laptop so that we can finally take advantage of the free wi fi from coffee shops.. starbuck perhaps…)

> good stats and hitting the metrics at work

> quality time with friends and family (at least those who are also here in MM)

> new dress, new outfit and new pants (so the guard wont give me another infraction.. hahaha)

> good health and more blessing for my family…

i dont know.. this is all i can think of right now… more to come soon.. hahaha..

im going to update this post if i can think of something else… lol

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

here i am again… ahihihi…

nothing much to say now.. i just feel like updating my blog… im suppose to update my other blog but i guess ill just update it next time… hahaha..

neweiz, got a new job now… i mean same job but im already working for another company and of course its a new account… this is my second week of foundation training… next week will be PST…

last week i got an infraction for wearing a mini skirt… haha… watever… that lady gaurd is just insecure…

tomorrow will be our pone simulation test… wish me luck…

forget about Josh…

I got a new name now…

its, JA-JA…

J for Josie and A for Anne…

or Jaja slang term for gaga… bwahahahaha

new name.. means new me… new identity…

lets all leave the past behind and move forward to the future… lol…

and oh, im quiet bored of my hair… im thinking of giving it a new style… will i look good with this?…

i think this is my hair style before… any suggestion for a new hair style?

i have been txting with few of my friends today… everytime they ask me how am i this is what i tell them…

im ok… im just suffering from mild depression, nostalgia and paranoia… and you can also include mild astraphobia… i need a psychiatrist or a psychologist…

i told them, i just need somebody will just listen to me talk… i just feel so alone right now…

Jay told me that i should go out with my friends here… i told him that i dont know anybody from here.. my only friends here are them (planeteers 62) and i cant even reach them… if bulacan is near from our place i was supposed to go there because he is a teacher in bulacan and they are having their UN celebration…

iking and i were talking about growing… i told iking that i really want to go back to leyte, i guess this is just what happens when your a spoiled brat and youre used to being with friends and then suddenly your alone… (well, im not totally alone, im with my sis but we dont get to talk me coz she’s always asleep) i want to go home but i want to stay because i want to grow… Iking actually agreed coz its also what he is feeling right now… all we could do is to encourage both of us that we can do this and we can cross this trial…
when raf asked me how am i, i told him the same thing… about how i am feeling and that i miss them too… all the planeteers…

raf: h2 oky namn kami ni Win s floor, bkt knmn nagdadaan s mga ganyang prob? Nasaan nah c jaz?

me: hehe.. ikamuztah mo ako kay sherwin hah.. buti pa kau.. mis ko nah talaga kau… katxt ko pala c kamuning kanina we were thinking of a reunion. paul suggested bubbagump greenbelt3. kamuning wanted a place na centro sa ating lahat para fair daw..

jaz is gone with the wind… lost in the middle of nowhere… the friend i tot i can run to when i need him is suddenly gone..

grabe.. namis ko kau.. nagapply ako kahapon,i saw those newbies.. naalala ko tau nung job offere.. we were so excited.. comparing our scheds… lalo nah kau ni grace kasi d bah tau naman talaga ung magkabatch sa preassesment?.. hehehe

so yeah.. there goes the conversation… i told him that i used to be emotionally strong but now im getting emotionally weaker… and all raf could do is to tell me to continue to be with God… to surrender all my problems to God because only God can help me…

jas: ano bah problema mo?

(i was quiet shocked why he asked me that… is it really for me?… but i answered it anyway.. i guess natamaan sa txt ko.. haha)

me: huh?.. wla naman naman akong problema.. im just suffering from mild mental disorders… and i need a psyhologist or a psychiatrist.. hhaha.. bakit?.. ikaw? ano problema mo?

jas: see, jst as i tot, ur not gonna tell me what keepz u bothering, nd ur ending up lyk u hav mental disorder evnthough u dont hv!?. what’s wrong with u?. is it me?..

me: hahaha.. how come its u?… ok i am suffering from mild depression, nostalgia and paranoia.. u can also include mild astraphobia.. ahihihi…

have u ever had the feeling that u cry for no particular reason at all?.. you want to talk to somebody but there is no body?…

me: my life is boring..

i dont have a job…

i miss the people in my life..

i miss the people in leyte and i miss my friends in PS.. i miss PS…

the only close friend i have in mm whom i think i can run to is gone with the wind…

i have nobody to talk to..

i feel isolated..

that is what is so wrong with me…

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oh well, does anybody out there got the cure for these?… thankzzzzzzz…..